The Psychology Behind Chasing Someone, Why it Gives Them Power, and How to Deal With Them

The unfortunate truth about life is that you will have deal with several people who are out to use you, throw you under the bus, or attempt to control you in some way. This generally reveals itself via a secret agenda they have planned, since coming out and just admitting that they could care less about you would give everything away too fast. You see, it’s only after they’ve gotten everything they want out of you, that THEN they’ll reveal themselves.

Anyhow, the above commentary directly relates to the notion of chasing someone for power gain. Everyone has seen this phenomena at work in one way or another. Whether it be with a girl you just met, a guy you just met, your boss at the office, or a person you think is your friend, you’ll generally know it (or feel it) when they’re doing this to you. Take the following example into account:

You just met a very lovely woman at your Pilates class last weekend (for the men out there that like to dabble with their feminine side and all), she gives you her phone number and asks YOU to call her to schedule a first date. You call her and she seems like she’s “in a hurry” while on the phone with you, maybe giving you one or two word answers, putting minimal effort into the conversation while you dump your heart into it. Next, the big day arrives. It’s your first date with her. You’ve scheduled a time to meet her at the restaurant, but she is 25 minutes late and you were there 15 minutes early. Finally, the queen of the hour arrives, sits down at the table, makes a quick meaningless apology, and says NOTHING. You realize the weight is on you to carry the conversation, and so you do. Everything seems to be going well so far, and by the end of the night she says, “Well that was fun, maybe we’ll do it again sometime.” She gets into her car and leaves. Five days past and you don’t hear from her, so you send a text her way. She responds, and goes through the same cycle as what I mentioned in the beginning of this story.

The above example is based on a true story. To the uninformed person, this just looks like the woman isn’t all that into you. But in reality, this is what she does with ALL the guys and for a good reason: the power completely remains with her during the entirety of the interaction. If we analyze this carefully, she had everything under total control from beginning to end. First, she gives you her number to make it seem like she’s the one who wants to know more about you. You respectably see this as a sign of interest and take the green light. But there’s a hidden agenda behind it— by her giving you her number, she knows that YOU must call her, and not the other way around. This is intentional and keeps you under her control. Then you call her and she acts like she’s in a hurry, giving you one word answers. Again, looking at this behavior, we can conclude that by her acting as though she doesn’t have enough time for you, you’re still officially her bitch, as you’re putting more effort into the interaction than she is. Next she arrives 25 minutes late to the restaurant while you were aimlessly twiddling your thumbs and uncomfortably sitting by yourself. This is the ultimate power-play move because if you complain about her being late, the rest of the date will be extremely awkward and you’ll be walking on eggshells. However, because she knows you want her, she knows can get away with whatever she wants, including being late— again all to have you under her control. Next, she makes you carry the entire conversation, again highlighting her control over you. Lastly, you don’t hear from her for five days UNTIL YOU TEXT FIRST. This is a well-known power strategy. It stems from the fact that she’s generally okay with not hearing from you, since she can just go out again and find a different guy to control. If you don’t make the first move, she won’t budge.

The psychology behind chasing someone is actually very simple: Make someone believe that you want them or need them in some way, shape, or form and then subsequently act totally unaffected, emotionless, and seemingly unaware of their affection towards you. By doing this, you obtain great power and control, because if a person is coming to you for something, but you are acting uninterested, they will feel the need to increase your attention towards them in the hopes you might show more interest. Therefore, they are putting in all the effort, while you sit on the sidelines with an ice-cold glass of lemonade and a heaping bowl of popcorn, watching the show.

But the money question is how the fuck do you deal with these lunatics? Well, unfortunately you must stoop to their level and play the game better than they do. For instance, in the example I gave earlier, if you arrived at the restaurant and saw that the woman was not there, than it’s quite simple, actually. Immediately go back into your car and park it close to the restaurant, so that you can see when she’s going in. Once you witness her walk in, just wait for a minute or so—make her think that you’re not coming and THEN walk in and say hello. Briefly apologize to her for being late, but make sure the apology is not a heartfelt one, and make it seem like you’re in a hurry to be somewhere else. Because SHE was the one who was actually late, she cannot be mad at you, and since you walked into her waiting for YOU, now you are the one who’s being chased by her.

Don’t believe me? Good. Here’s an article from Psychology Today highlighting the effects of chasing someone and why it really does work: Click Here

I know the whole “chasing someone” thing can be very confusing, but I hope this gives everyone a bit more insight on these types of situations.



Posted on January 27, 2014, in Daily Rantings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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